Teresa McRae

That’s what I have been doing the last few days. Not that I don’t have a lot to say but just not wanting to say it. Today, however, I will say that I have been thinking about the three father’s I have had. My biological father, Steve. I did not know him long. I met him in 96 and he died in 2001. In those five years, we formed a tenuous bond. He was unable I think to know what to do with meeting three of his children as adults but he rallied as best he could. He was a nice man with a shaky history of alcoholism. He lost his mother and father young and was raised by an aunt. He married many times. Perhaps looking for that mother figure. In the years before he died, he was sober as far as I know and had found a faith that helped him survive. Rest in Peace, Steve.

My adopted father. A good man, a nurturing man when I was young. A kind man but also a narcissistic sociopath. He had a wonderful life with all the money he could ever want and it never was enough. He ruined his life through crime and now at 84, is still not recovered. I wish him well. We talk occasionally but he has become less communicative in recent years. I have some wonderful memories from when I was young and I hang on to these.

My step-father Bob. He is who I miss on Father’s Day. He was so much the man you want as a father. He was loving, kind, strong, creative, caring and always there. He died too young and I will miss him till the day I die. He is always in my thoughts and especially in my heart. It is so hard to know what to say about him because the feelings are so strong and the thought of him leaves me wishing he was still here. There is still a heart shaped hole where he lived in me.

So these are the fathers of my lifetime. I look now at my daughter who has had one amazing father, my husband Chris. From the moment she entered the world, she was his baby. He has loved her with a love that encompasses all of who he is and all of who she is. I have been honored and blessed to watch her grow up with Chris as a father. Their love for each other transcends all boundaries and I love seeing it.

Fathers. So Important.