Teresa McRae

I just like that picture. According to Pinterest, it is Aboriginal Art. No artist was listed.

So, I’ve written about my genealogy way back when I began this blog. I covered DNA, how memories are within us and passed down to us from ancestors. I mentioned many of the stories, as best I could, of those ancestors.

Then I covered my writing, my trouble with writing, my frustrations and issues with writer’s block. I struggle with whether to write any more about writing. I have a finished first draft. Working on the 2nd draft. Usual problems. I’m tired of being uninspired.

I’ve mentioned in passing my problems with chronic pain and fatigue. Today, this is what is on my mind.

I am tired and in pain. I hate to even say that. I’m not sure why. Possibly, because, I used to be a strong, independent woman who took care of everything myself. I wasn’t afraid of anything.

Now, I’m afraid of lots of things but nothing enough to be a phobia. Well, except maybe falling. I’ve broken 3 different bones just by falling. Simple falls, like tripping over a lip in the sidewalk. My bones are brittle now.

I think that there are times when I like to pretend there is nothing wrong with me. Then, I have to accept my limitations and it is so hard for me. I hate feeling limited. I hate accepting that I just cannot do certain things anymore.

For example, why shouldn’t I write everyday? I should be able to do this regardless of how tired I am or how much pain I’m feeling? Right? It’s what all the best authors say is the key to becoming a good writer. Some days, I can’t even lift a pen. Still, I tell myself must and then am disappointed in myself when I don’t.

I fight myself. Am I winning? Am I losing? I don’t know.