Hurting people have a mist that surrounds them. Most do not see it. My father has a black mist, like a cloud, that covers him at all times, like a shroud. It is his death shroud, although he has yet to die. Mother does not see it and so I have chosen not to mention it to her. She is aware that I know more than I tell her. She is aware of my gifts. The spirits tell me I should think of my abilities as such. Mother senses his deep hurt, however, and would like me to cure him but knows that I do not have that power. I am only able to ease his suffering from time to time and I have tried to as often as possible.
I have visions and they show me what it is that causes his pain. He is desperate and wishes to end his life. I am helpless to do more than temporarily relieve this thought from his mind. Mother is not able to reach him as I can and she does not see what lies behind his eyes. I see what lies behind his eyes, in the depths, so to speak. They lead to his soul and the ugliness he carries within himself. His soul is fractured like a mirror that has shattered into pieces and the shards are anger, pain, loneliness, despair and guilt.
I have no memory of the father he was before this, before he left for the war. I know only what my brother Colin tells me about the time when I was an infant, of how he would hold me and sing to me, and his fear of not seeing me grow up. Sometimes, I will see shadows of what he used to be, when he is thinking about those days, but most times I see only a sick hurting man that stands before me carrying his pain as if it were a cross. It is a heavy weight. The things Father has seen, and the events of his life during and since the war have left him bereft. He came back to us a broken shell of a man. I cannot fix him.
Father is broken.
Hello. I am the author of the Historical Fiction novel called Mamie Garrison. It is a tale of slavery, abolition, romance and history, set in the years just prior to the Civil War. It is available on Kindle for .99 and also in paperback. Mamie Garrison has a dual storyline. The present day story involves Bella and Andrew finding Mamie's journals. Their story includes romance and paranormal aspects. Mamie's story follows her adventures as an abolitionist through her journals. There are some mysteries as well as an unusual background in Mamie's life. I have completed book two in my series. Colin Garrison, Book 2 of The Garrisons is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0759MYN81. Please see my Colin Garrison page under the menu option for a small sample of this new book. The third and final book in the series, Emily Garrison is now available. Please see above for link. I am 62 with one adult child and one grandchild. I have always enjoyed the written word and have been a voracious reader from my early youth. I am inspired by many authors in the historical fiction genre. I am also a lover of Russian literature, particularly Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. I find great inspiration for creating characters by looking at the ones these two authors have created. There is such a depth to them. I have written for most of my life in one form or another. I have dabbled in poetry and songwriting, and have more started novels than finished ones. In my free time, I like reading, history and travel. I am interested in genealogy and working on my family tree. I live in St Louis.