In 1999 I had breast cancer. That was 19 years ago. Since that time, my life had been divided into me before cancer and me since cancer. I knew there was a possibility of a reoccurrence, and recently I had a cancer scare that dominated the better part of three weeks of my life.

Fortunately, it was a false alarm. After MRIs and a bone scan, no cancer was found.

I tried to handle the possibility of another round of cancer in a mature manner with strength and bravery. I failed. On the day I was to go to the doctor for the results of the tests, I fell apart.

Here’s what I learned from this experience. Just because you’ve had cancer once, doesn’t make the idea of a new round of cancer treatments less scary.

What I thought I would do if I ever had cancer again, was not at all what I intended to do if the tests were positive. I had new reasons to want to keep living. The first time, my daughter was five, and I wanted to live long enough to see her grow up. I did. This time, I have a 18 month old granddaughter. I wanted to live long enough to see her grow up. It looks like I might pull it off.

Here’s what else I was reminded of. Spend time doing what you love and be as happy as you possibly can. We all have different levels of happiness. Find your highest level.

Don’t miss the little moments. There is magic in them. Be kind, love as much as you possibly can and be sure to tell those you love how much you feel.

Of course, I knew all this. But it didn’t take much for me to forget and be paralyzed by fear. It’s okay to be afraid and it’s okay to fall apart, but then look around at the beauty in the world. There is still a lot of it  in the everyday patterns of living.

Today I am alive.


Hello. I am the author of the Historical Fiction novel called Mamie Garrison. It is a tale of slavery, abolition, romance and history, set in the years just prior to the Civil War. It is available on Kindle for .99 and also in paperback. Mamie Garrison has a dual storyline. The present day story involves Bella and Andrew finding Mamie's journals. Their story includes romance and paranormal aspects. Mamie's story follows her adventures as an abolitionist through her journals. There are some mysteries as well as an unusual background in Mamie's life. I have completed book two in my series. Colin Garrison, Book 2 of The Garrisons is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0759MYN81. Please see my Colin Garrison page under the menu option for a small sample of this new book. The third and final book in the series, Emily Garrison is now available. Please see above for link. I am 62 with one adult child and one grandchild. I have always enjoyed the written word and have been a voracious reader from my early youth. I am inspired by many authors in the historical fiction genre. I am also a lover of Russian literature, particularly Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. I find great inspiration for creating characters by looking at the ones these two authors have created. There is such a depth to them. I have written for most of my life in one form or another. I have dabbled in poetry and songwriting, and have more started novels than finished ones. In my free time, I like reading, history and travel. I am interested in genealogy and working on my family tree. I live in St Louis.

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